It's just nerves, honey...

Monday, March 05, 2007

Good grief

MRI has been rescheduled for this Friday due to a snafu with the insurance pre-authorization. Bullshit. My insurance company sucks ass.

Meanwhile, I am falling apart. The numbness on my right side is driving me CRAZY. And yesterday my right hand seized up, like it turned into this spastic claw-hand, and I couldn't type or write (why the hell does this have to be my RIGHT side???). I actually made it on to campus today, for the first time in over a week, which was fabulous, and I'm getting caught up in my classes (or at least, that's the plan), except that between my funky right hand, my tiredness, and my difficulty concentrating (not to mention my f-ed up vision), it's... challenging.

I'm just so worn out by this! I want to know what the hell is going on, and I want to know now! I am so exhausted and frustrated. I had a great weekend -- my incredible husband took over the kids and house so I could get caught up on schoolwork and garden, and it was just what I needed. I'm growing seedlings in little pots all over my house, thinking forward to spring. I am cultivating joy. And that's why I'm not just curled up in a ball on my bed wailing, "why me???"

Cultivating joy. And waiting.